Wednesday, March 19, 2014

birthday thoughts

24 today. Never would I thought I would be here emotionally, physically, locationally, relationshipy. In some ways I'm happy, in others I'm not. It's silly to think I should have graduated college by now and settled in my dream job, because life is so unpredictable and if there's anything I learned over the years it's the need to live for the moment. I'm still teaching myself everyday to enjoy the little things that become the big things when I look back. I make sure to write down the things that make me happy, and banish the things that don't from my mind. Which isn't always the easiest. Especially at midnight when I'm lying awake wishing I could just fall asleep. I miss the moments when I wasn't sad yet would rather die than go back. I can only appreciate what I have and shouldn't take anything for granted as I have so much good in my life.

"Everyone's unhappy
everyone's ashamed
Well, we all just got caught looking
at someone else's page
Well, nothing ever went
quite exactly as we planned
our ideas held no water
but we used them like a dam."

- Modest Mouse, Missed the Boat


  1. I just turned 24 in February and had the same thought! I questioned how I wasn't done school and working and only in my second year in university, at a school I never thought I would be at! I just keep telling myself its all a learning experience 5 years ago when I graduated high school I had no idea i had learning disabilities and hat they were going to change my university life. I think it makes us stronger people!

  2. It's tough not to think about where you could be in life or how you're not where you wanted to be but everyone has their own journey and takes their own time. Writing down all the good that happens is a great idea and I should really start doing that!

  3. I know that feel, bro :D Reading your stuff (or watching your videos) is like looking into a mirror. I feel the same way. I turned 25 and everyone around me is getting married, haveing a great job & planning their future. And I have to work hard on myself everyday, fighting my fears & fix everything that went wrong in my past. But it helps to know that there are people who feel the same way... and I hope that someday I can say that everything happend for a good reason. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us :) (sorry for my bad english, I'm not native)

  4. just discovered your yt channel and blog and fell in love with them! late happy birthday to you!

  5. I realized a while ago that my entire life so far has felt like a series of "waiting periods" that are merely mundane intermissions before something more exciting happens to me. Even though I'm proud of everything I've accomplished, that still doesn't make it any easier to live in the moment. I really think the mid-twenties are some of the hardest years we live through, because everything seems so unknown, even though we feel like we should have been more prepared.

    I love that quote, by the way. :)


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  7. I just recently turned 24 too and I get how you feel. While I've graduated uni I can't exactly say I've got my "dream job", so a lot of soul searching is going on at the moment.
    Definitely doing my best to enjoy the little things and just appreciate the now :)
    Loving your blog btw, I've always watched your videos but just rediscovered the blog and am so glad I did!

    Lauren xx

  8. I turned 25 last March 24. I didn't do anything that day. I just wanted to forget I'd grown a year older and I still hadn't graduated college.

    I went back to school in January. I'm on my last semester. If all goes to plan, I'll graduate. If I don't...I'll be so fuckin' messed up.

    So, I get what you mean, about all of it. I don't regret the time though. My plans went awry, but I learned a lot. I also regret a lot, but I don't want to redo things.
    I like where I am as a person right now. I'm still selfish, but not as much. Apathetic, but less so. Heh. Picked up some good hobbies and awesome friends. Every day is a new day. That's always something to look forward to. :D

    Thanks for the post. Got here randomly. I don't feel quite so weird or alone now. Lol.